A Letter To Those Affected By My Anxiety

Let me start by clarifying something. When I refer to my "anxiety", I am not simply talking about my fears or situations that make me nervous. I'm not talking about the kind of anxiousness that everyone experiences throughout their life. I am talking about Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)- a mental condition which affects nearly every aspect of my life in one way or another.

You've probably noticed my nervous behaviors. Bailing on plans at the last minute, making excuses to stay at home, chewed nails, sudden crying, shortness of breath, restlessness, fearing new situations, inability to go to places alone.  Panic attacks.

I try to hide my struggling, but I know you see it. You see it because you care. And because you care, you often try to help. You tell me to take deep breaths. You tell me to calm down, or to stop worrying. With good intentions, you quote Philippians 4:6 to me. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." You try very hard to diffuse the situation. But it has never worked. Not even once.

I'm writing this letter, because I want to be fair to you. I want you to understand what my anxiety is and what it feels like, because I want you to know that I'm not ignoring your advice. I know that my emotions can be hard for you to deal with, and that our relationship isn't an easy one for you. For that reason, I feel like I owe you an explanation.

Anxiety feels like an ocean. When it hits, I struggle to keep my head above the water. It's overwhelming and every single moment feels like I'm one breathe away from drowning. It's so big, so vast, and it extends further than I can see. The water is dark and heavy. And the more I struggle against it all, the higher the waters gets.

The words "calm down" force me to struggle against my anxiety. And the water rises just a little more.

It should be obvious, but please remember: If I could stop my anxiety, I would have done so by now. These emotions are not a choice, or something that I have invited into my life. I am not a victim, but I am certainly not a willing participant. So please stop telling me to calm down. Please stop using phrases that imply that I should be able to control my anxiety.

I know you want to help me- you wouldn't be reading this if you didn't- and I love you for that. But you need to stop trying to help me rationalize the feelings that I've spent my whole life trying to understand. Irrational fears and emotions cannot be understood. Instead, try this: When my anxiety is pulling me under, let me know that you see my struggle, even if you don't understand it. Pray for me, but don't ask me to do the praying. Listen to me, but don't offer "easy" solutions. Most importantly, know that you do not have to fix me or make my anxiety go away. I want you to be my friend, not my therapist. I will never put those kinds of expectations on you.

I wish you didn't have to deal with this; Ironically, you seem to feel the same way about me. So this is a learning process for both of us. I promise to keep trying to find new ways to cope with my anxiety. In return, I simply ask that you keep being my friend, even if don't always deserve it. Friendships like ours are often what keep my head just above the water. And that means everything to me.

Thank you,
Your Friend

An Open Letter to Those Selling Weight-Loss Products

To whomever this may concern:

Please, stop trying to sell me your weight-loss products on Facebook.

I'm going to write this letter with the assumption that you, the entrepreneur, are a kind and considerate person who means no harm when trying to sell me your "get trim" shakes, "hide your love handle" wraps, and "stop looking like a fat slob" pills. 

But the truth is, you are doing harm. And being the kind and considerate person that you are, I believe you deserve the truth.

I have struggled with insecurities about my weight since I was old enough to understand what weight was. I was 6-years-old the first time I remember crying about being "fat". I was 8-years-old when my skinny best friend tried to put me on a diet, and 9-years-old when that same friend laughed at me after tricking me into telling her how much I weighed. I was 12-years-old the first time I made myself vomit after a meal. I was 13-years-old the first time I passed out at school from not eating. I was 14-years-old when my guidance counselor called my parents and told them that I was showing signs of an eating disorder. 

And I was 15-years-old the first time I realized that my weight was just a number that could never make me more or less deserving of God's love.

I wasted years of my life in junior high and high school, hiding myself from the world. During my freshman year, at 115 pounds, I wore jeans and sweatshirts every single day in an attempt to hide my shape. I gave up swimming, a hobby that I loved, for a long time because I cried every time I wore a swimsuit. I avoided social situations and hid myself from the criticism of the world.

At almost 22-years-old, I am still trying to learn how to accept myself. I still struggle with wanting to hide my body under baggy clothes. I still untag myself in pictures because "my arms looks flabby" or "you can see my double chin". I still won't let my fiance put his arms around my stomach because I'm afraid he won't find me attractive anymore. I've gone swimming twice in 2 years. 

Every day is a struggle to accept my body and love myself as a woman created in the image of God.

But then... you come along. 

You send me a text or a private message asking me to try some new "incredible weight-loss product". You want me to replace my meals with 8 oz. shakes, or trick my body with "metabolism-boosting pills". You try to convince me to wrap my body and "get rid of belly fat". You do a wonderful job of promoting your product, and I have to believe that you honestly want to help improve my life.

But then the age-old thoughts creep in...

How did you chose me to market to anyway? Do I look unhealthy? Did you scroll through your Facebook friends and pick out those who looked overweight? Did you sit down and add my name to a list of people you know who looked better when they were skinny? 

And what makes you think that I'm in a stable enough place in my life that your attempts to get me to lose weight won't push me over the edge of an eating disorder? What gives you the right to pop in my life, or in my Facebook newsfeed, and say "Hey! I think you could stand to lose a few pounds"?

The truth is, friend... You aren't "saving lives" as the company you sell for has probably convinced you. You are contributing to a culture that has made it socially acceptable for you to tell me that I need to lose weight. You are feeding into an industry that has made billions of dollars on the lie that being skinny will improve your life. And most importantly, you are reaffirming insecurities in men and women that are more real and more haunting than you will ever know.

So, next time you try to sell me your wraps or your diet pills or your meal-replacement shakes... please don't be offended when I ask you not to message me anymore. As we established earlier, you are probably a kind and considerate person with wonderful intentions. However, that's irrelevant when you're trying to sell me products. What IS relevant is this...I am an insecure woman, desperately hoping that you will one day stop pointing out the one thing that I've years trying to convince myself doesn't define me.

Thanks- but no thanks. I find my value in being a child of God- not in a number on a scale.

Pornography: Fighting the New Drug

Introduction

            The world is dealing with a new kind of drug.  Unlike others, this drug is accessible virtually everywhere and provides an endless supply of immediate pleasure. The addiction that it causes is silent and destructive. It ruins relationships, causes health issues, permanently damages the brain, is accessible to children of all ages, and goes against the will of God. This new drug is completely legal, and it is all around us.

            The porn industry is massive. In fact, the industry brings in about $57 billion per year. This is more than the National Football League, National Basketball Association, National Hockey League, and Major League Baseball combined. However, despite bringing in this much money, 9 out of every 10 internet porn users only use free material.  How is it possible, then, that the porn industry is still bringing in such an astronomical amount of money? When you take into account that over 30,000 Americans are using porn every second, that amount of money is no longer such a shock.

            Porn is overtaking American society. It is quietly and effectively creeping into the homes and lives of nearly every family in the United States. Nobody is safe from the destruction it leaves in its path. Although it is a subject that is rarely spoken about in homes or from the pulpit, it is one of the most harmful and misunderstood topics in U.S culture today. Viewing pornography is a highly addictive experience that damages the brain, serves as a drug, destroys relationships, and negatively affects everyone involved.

Porn Damages the Brain

            Viewing pornography literally changes the human brain. When a person views pornographic images, neurons in that person’s brain are activated simultaneously. Those neurons release chemicals that help strengthen the connection between the activated neurons. For example, if you were to receive delicious food every time you went to a certain restaurant, you would begin to form positive feelings about that restaurant. Right? This is because the brain creates pathways connecting that specific restaurant with feelings of happiness and satisfaction. This is the same thing that occurs when a person views porn. The brain begins to create pathways connecting pornographic images with pleasure.

            This feeling of pleasure occurs when the brain is flooded with dopamine, the “feel good” chemical. However, the amount of dopamine that is released when a person views porn is overwhelming to the brain.  In an effort to control the amount of dopamine that is overloading the brain, it destroys some of its own dopamine receptors. After these receptors are destroyed, feelings of happiness and pleasure are dulled. In other words, the user is literally unable to experience the same levels of happiness as before. Even if the porn user views the same material that once brought him or her pleasure, having less dopamine receptors will leave them feeling less aroused and more likely to seek out hardcore material in an effort to achieve the same level of excitement. This desire for a more “intense” experience often leads to sexual difficulties for porn users, such as difficulties becoming aroused or Erectile Dysfunction Disorder. This need can also cause users to seek out pornographic material featuring sex acts such as bestiality, rape, and violence. In one study, results showed that people exposed to significant amounts of porn believed that things like bestiality and violent sex were twice as normal as those who were not exposed to porn. Although it has been widely suggested that viewing this kind of material can lead viewers to act out these same acts, there is a lack of research because such experiments would be unethical.

Porn Is Like A Drug

            All mammals are born with something called a reward pathway. The reward pathway’s job is to reward the brain for doing things that keep it alive. The design of reward pathways reveals the intelligence and careful planning of an all-knowing God. It is clear that they were designed to keep the human race in existence by reinforcing life-supporting behaviors such as eating, drinking water, sleeping, and having consensual sex. Whenever a person does these things, the reward pathway rewards the brain by releasing chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin.

When used for their purpose, these chemicals are useful and healthy; however, this isn’t always the case. Substances like cocaine, marijuana, and opiates trigger the reward pathway to release unnaturally high levels of these “feel good” chemicals, giving the user an unnatural high without having to do any work to earn it. What most people are unaware of is that pornography works in the exact same way as these harmful substances, causing addiction and dependency.

            The chemical reaction that occurs in the human brain when a person uses drugs is nearly identical to the chemical reaction that takes place when a person views pornography. However, unlike cocaine and methamphetamines, this drug is free and provides an endless supply. When an image becomes boring or no longer arouses the user, they are able to click a button and receive a new spike of dopamine. Due to the endless variety that internet pornography offers, the user can keep their dopamine levels elevated for hours at a time. While addressing a U.S. Senate committee, Dr. Jeffrey Satinover of Princeton University had this to say about the similarities between internet pornography and drugs: “It is as though we have devised a form of heroin 100 times more powerful than before, usable in the privacy of one’s own home and injected directly to the brain through the eyes.”

            According to a study done by the American Family Association, a person can become addicted to pornography after just one use. People with this kind of addiction rarely recover through their own efforts. Just like drugs users, pornography addicts who attempt to abstain from pornographic images usually experience withdrawal symptoms, including headaches, anxiety, depression, and social isolation. Not only does this affect the user, but it also harms the families and loved ones of those going through withdrawal.

Porn Affects Everyone

Although pornography itself is not a new thing, Internet pornography has completely changed the industry. What used to only be sold in a private section of stores and on newsstands is now available with the click of a button or a word typed into a search engine. Porn does not discriminate against race, religion, economic standing, or age. It is truly reaching all people of all walks of life, willing and unwilling. In 2009, Dr. Simon Lajeunesse set out to study the impact that pornographic images have on college-aged men. Soon after beginning his research, he realized that he wasn’t able to establish a control group for his study. This is because he was unable to find any college-aged males who had never used pornography. Dr. Lajeunesse was later quoted as saying, “Guys who do not watch pornography do not exist.”

 According to a study done by Covenant Eyes, an internet filtering program, 90% of 8 to 16-year-olds have viewed online pornography. With this knowledge, it is no surprise that 9 out of every 10 men are exposed to pornography before turning 18-years-old. In fact, the average first age of porn exposure among boys is 12-years-old. Young girls are not immune to the images, either. The same study showed that 6 out of every 10 women were exposed to porn before turning 18-years-old. In addition to this, 83% of boys and 57% of girls have seen group sex online, and 69% of boys and 55% of girls have viewed homosexual sex on the internet. Although many parents try to protect their children from these explicit images, their efforts are defeated by the persistence and secrecy of the online world. In fact, children between the ages of 12 and 17 have shown to be the largest consumers of internet pornography.

Many times, early pornography addiction leads to difficulties in young adulthood.  Studies have shown that 68% of young adult men view porn at least once a week. In comparison, only 18% of young women view porn at least once every week. In another study, researchers found that the average young man is viewing approximately 50 pornographic clips every week. While there are many reasons for concern around these statistics, the most important one is the deep impact that pornography has on mental and emotional wellbeing of young adult users.

Young adulthood is a difficult and stressful time for almost everyone; however, when you add in the emotional toll that pornography use takes on a person, destructive behaviors can quickly escalate. Studies are now showing that young people who use pornography on a regular basis are far more prone to depression, anxiety, ADD, sexual dysfunction, confusion about sexual orientation, and violent tendencies. All of these things are resulting in a lower quality of life for today’s young adults.

Marriages are also greatly affected by the use of pornography. Inability to become aroused and emotional disconnection are just two of the ways that couples suffer from the effects. Studies have shown that people in happy marriages are 61% less likely to use porn. Not only has it proven to reduce marital happiness, but research has also shown that 56% of all divorce cases involve at least one partner having an obsessive interest in porn. In addition to this, 68 % of all divorce cases involve one party meeting a new lover over the internet.

Pornography and the Church

            In the Gospel of Matthew, it is made clear that lust and adultery are synonymous in the Lord’s eyes. This becomes obvious when Jesus tells the crowd during his Sermon on the Mount that whoever lusts with their eyes has already committed adultery in their heart. Although the bible obviously never mentions pornography specifically, God’s warnings about the damaging effects of lust can be seen all throughout scripture. In book of Proverbs, the author warns that anyone who indulges himself in lustful behaviors “destroys himself” by doing so. It is a widely accepted truth throughout Christianity that pornography use involves lust and is therefore a sinful activity.

Although pornography is mostly disapproved of by Christian believers, the church has not been immune to the porn epidemic. In fact, 50% of Christian men and 20% of Christian women admit to struggling with an addiction to porn. Parishioners are not the only ones affected, either. A recent study reported that 51% of Christian pastors admit to being tempted by porn. Despite these surprising statistics, the church has remained largely silent on this issue. Is this the way that Jesus would have responded to this kind of sin? The bible seems to point in the opposite direction.

The Gospel of John tells the story of a woman caught in the act of adultery. The teachers of the Law and the Pharisees put the woman in front of the crowd gathered around Jesus, attempting to publically shame and condemn her. “The law of Moses tells us to stone this woman.” They pick up stones and prepare to kill her. “What do you say?” they ask Jesus in an attempt to trap him into saying something they can use against him. Jesus remains silent for a moment before telling the woman’s accusers that whichever one of them is without sin can throw the first stone at her. One by one the teachers and the Pharisees drop their stones and walk away. When only Jesus and the woman remain in the middle of the crowd, Jesus looks at the woman and tells her to “go and sin no more.”

This story gives a beautiful example of God’s grace and forgiveness. Although the woman was clearly living a sinful lifestyle, Jesus did not condemn her for her impure actions; He did not seek to shame her in front of his followers. Instead, Jesus offered the adulterous woman a second chance at living a Godly life. Through his example, Christians are given hope in their own sinful situations. Although a believer may have fallen into lust and adultery through the use of pornography, Jesus has shown that his grace is unconditional in these situations. Those who have fallen into sin need only to “go and sin no more” in order to be made righteous again.

Conclusion

            Pornography is without a doubt harmful and destructive; however, there is hope for those who are caught in a vicious addiction. For someone seeking professional help, addiction counselors are often valuable resources. Many communities and churches also have local support groups to give users a place to talk about and work out their dependency issues. Often times, a person can find these kinds of counselors or support groups by doing online research or consulting medical professionals.

            Another way that individuals addicted to internet pornography can seek help is by installing a filter on their computer, tablet, or mobile device. Some examples of effective filters include: K-9 Web Protection, XXX Church, Covenant Eyes, and Fortify. These internet filters work by monitoring and blocking pornographic websites and explicit content. Many of them also allow users to have online accountability partners who will receive weekly reports of any suspicious activity. Millions of people have relied on these filters to hold them accountable and keep them from accessing pornography during moments of weakness. With the right attitude and reliable accountability, they have proven to be extremely effective.

            The most important thing for users to remember is that addiction can be overcome. Through grace and forgiveness, sinners can become new creations in Jesus Christ. Porn has the potential to destroy nearly every area of a person’s life, but hope should never be lost. Relationships, reward pathways in the brain, and personal health can all be restored and renewed as soon as porn use is discontinued. Prevention, censorship, open conversation, accountability, and counseling are all vital resources in the fight against this new drug. Although pornographic images are often hard to avoid, you do have the choice of whether or not you will allow these images to control your life. The message of Jesus Christ in 2 Corinthians 12:9 gives hope in the middle of our human weakness: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

Sources

Covenant Eyes. “Pornography Statistics: Annual Report 2014.” 2014. Web.

12 March 2014.

Derksen, Syras. “Negative Effects of Pornography.” Winnipeg. 14 October 2014. Web.  12 March 2014.

Luce, Ron, and Mike Guzzardo.  “Battle Cry for My Generation: The Fight to Save Our Friends.” Colorado Springs: NexGen, 2006. Print.

“Porn Addiction Escalates.” Fight the New Drug, 2013. Web. 17 March 2014.

“Porn Affects Your Behavior.” Fight the New Drug, 2013. Web. 13 March 2014.

“Porn Changes the Brain.” Fight the New Drug, 2013. Web. 13 March 2014.

“Porn is Addictive.” Fight the New Drug, 2013. Web. 13 March 2014.

“Porn is Like a Drug.” Fight the New Drug, 2013. Web. 13 March 2014.

Wildmon, Donald E. “The American Family Association: Why We Fight Pornography.”

American Family Association, Inc. Web. 15 March 2014.

Wilson, Gary. “The Great Porn Experiment: Gary Wilson at TEDxGlasgow.” Youtube.

16 May 2012. Web. 2 April 2014.

Zimbardo, Philip. “The Demise of Guys?” Youtube. 5 August 2011. Web.

16 April 2014.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Posting On Social Media

Although I'd like to consider myself a social butterfly, I think a more accurate description of myself would be "social media junkie". I love social media. I love having my opinions seen and retweeted on Twitter. I love getting likes on my "theological" Facebook statuses. I love seeing what other people pin on their Pinterest wedding boards. I love watching my friends' "stories" on Snapchat. I love sharing my world through filtered photos on Instagram. 

So when I recently decided to implement the spiritual discipline of simplicity (in order to prepare myself for a class presentation on the topic), I was reluctant to give thought to the way this would effect my activity on social media. After all, I'm a bit of an introvert, and social media has been the "perfect" way to stay connected with the world while sitting alone in my locked dorm room. (Irony.)

Recently, after deactivating my Twitter account, I've been thinking about the way that I have chosen to portray myself on social media: what I've done right, where I've gone wrong, what I would do differently. All of these thoughts have led me to writing this post: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Posting On Social Media.

1. What are my intentions?

This question has been one of the greatest challenges for me. Because often times, as it turns out, my intentions while tweeting were not Godly. At all. In fact, many of my tweets were passive-aggressive in nature. Social media can so easily become a place to vent our frustrations and criticisms without facing the consequences of our actions! Are you seeking to hurt someone with your words? Are you seeking to make someone jealous? To make someone feel guilty? To shame someone for their sins? 

2. Does this accurately portray who I really am?

Even as a wonderful Christian man or woman who loves the Lord, I can guarantee that there are a few discrepancies between who you are on social media and who you actually are. So, take a moment right now and ask yourself a couple of questions... How do you portray yourself on social media? Who are you actually? And then reflect on the question that has been pulling on my heart for awhile now... How big is the gap in between those two versions of yourself? 

3. Will this post alienate someone?

Will your slightly inaccurate statuses about your "perfect relationship" mislead young couples into believing that having occasional arguments makes them inferior? Will the "harmless" racist joke that you're sharing break the heart of someone you love? Will your posts with pictures of aborted babies and comments about women who have had abortions being "murderers" bring shame to a woman who has never forgiven herself for her mistakes? Will your posts comparing homosexuality and bestiality push someone even further away from the church? Discernment is everything.

4. Am I being modest?

This should be so simple, ladies: Don't show any part of your body that a normal t-shirt and shorts wouldn't cover. No cleavage. No bikini pictures. No pictures of yourself in a sports bra, or cut-off shirt. This isn't a matter of preference if you're a Christian. It's a matter of holding yourself to a biblical standard that is clearly spelled out over and over throughout scripture! (See Proverbs.) Can you imagine Jesus looking at the picture that you're posting and being pleased with you? And I'm sorry... but this includes you, beautiful pregnant women. I understand how proud you are that your body is experiencing this incredible miracle... (seriously, you ladies are rockstars)... but this doesn't excuse you from the same biblical standards that we should all be upholding. A shirtless photo, or a photo of your naked belly, is just not modest. It isn't. Save these precious images for your husband. (You both deserve that kind of privacy!)

In addition to dressing modestly, are you speaking with modesty as well? Men, refrain from posting status after status about how "sexy" your muscles are, or about how you've "been in your boxers all day". Ladies, don't announce to the world that you're on your period, or that you "love to sleep naked". Why in the world would you want to create those images for other people?

5. Is this a moment that I need to protect?

This one is huge. The greatest example I have of this is my engagement. My fiancee proposed on Christmas Eve of last year. It was an incredible night that I will carry in my heart for the rest of my life. That night, we called our closest friends and family to tell them the news. However, we waited to share it with our friends on social media until the next day. And it was awesome! It was so fun to have that whole night of feeling like our lives were secrets to the rest of the world. It was such an intimate experience that we were able to share with only those who meant the most to us. When we did announce it, we made the decision to only tell "the engagement story" to those who asked us in person. We never posted the story on social media at all, and it was so rewarding! I never felt like I was robbed of the experience of being engaged. I felt a sense of privacy and intimacy regarding my relationship that I had never had before! (And by the way, Kevin did an AMAZING job with the proposal... so it was extremely hard to keep the story to myself.)

I see this mostly with relationships and children. I see so many people, young ladies especially, sharing screenshots of conversations that they've had with their boyfriends/ husbands. And many times, they make me smile. (I'll admit... I'm a hopeless romantic.) But many times, I cringe. If I knew that my fiancee was going to post any sweet thing that I said on social media, it would most definitely change the genuineness of my words. Why risk the authenticity of your relationship? 

I've also noticed a trend of people (including myself) posting things while they are happening. Examples: "Having an amazing heart-to-heart with my bestie!" "Enjoying cuddling with my kids on the couch!" Now, I would like to consider myself a bit of an expert in this field. I am so guilty of doing this. Although I technically experience the things that I post about... do I really experience them? I allow myself to become so distracted by the need to share things on social media that I miss the wonderful things happening right in front of me. This robs both myself and the people I love of so many memories.

It's important to keep in mind that we will all fail at this. Probably multiple times. (Probably all the time.) BUT, it's also important that we seek the Lord's guidance in what we post on social media! As Christians, we must stand out from this world by choosing our words differently and with the kind of love that scripture demands of us. 

Matthew 12:36 "But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken." 

Welcome to the Pinterest Generation

I began writing this post about four months ago. Although I was ready to post it right away, something in my heart let me know that it wasn't yet the right time. So, I waited. And now I know why... Almost three months ago, the love of my life asked me to marry him! Since that day, God has been working on my heart. I understand that planning a wedding is important. After all, weddings are a right of passage and an important tradition in our culture. But what is really important when you get engaged... Planning a wedding, or planning a marriage?

Welcome to the Pinterest generation- a time when even 12-year-old girls who have never held hands with a boy have their weddings completely planned out- right down to the $25,000 engagement ring and custom-made Vera Wang dress. Welcome to a generation with high expectations for weddings and no expectations for marriage. Welcome to a generation of Christian women that can waste hours looking up wedding colors and invitations and centerpieces, but can rarely find five minutes to open their bibles or pray for their future spouses.

This is more than just an ironic, post-church conversation. This is a topic that is begging to be addressed- and this generation of girls (both young teenagers and young adults) is headed down a rough path if it isn't addressed soon. 

Girls are being raised up in a culture where getting engaged means you begin to look forward to a wedding- not a marriage. Young ladies are so excited to get married that they’re marrying the first man who says he loves them. As a result of this trend, we are now facing an overwhelmingly large group of young, newly-wedded, lonely women. 

We have turned marriage into a “click and choose” affair. We watch videos of proposals, read articles about the sweet things other husbands have done for their wives, and pick out the most original poses for engagement photos on the internet. We have expectations for our future husbands- not based on our needs or personal relationships with them, but on comparisons to other couples. 

Instead of using the bible, which has a clear outline of what marriage should look like, we use Pinterest. Instead of trusting the wisdom of Jesus Christ and his apostles, who were led fully by the Holy Spirit, we lean on the "wisdom" of newlyweds and people we've never even met.  Without even realizing it, we've lost sight of where our dreams and hopes for the future should be coming from. Are our lives being built on the Living Word of God... or Pinterest?

Pinterest Says: Check out this $10,000 engagement ring that your broke-college-student boyfriend will never be able to afford. You need it. Who cares that you're setting yourself up for disappointment and setting your man up for failure?

The Bible Says: Be beautiful on the inside. Don't try to dress yourself up for the approval of others. Make your heart beautiful, through God, and you won't need costly attire. (1 Peter 3:3)

Pinterest Says: Dress sexy. If you've got it, show it off. Don't you want to be attractive to your man? The more skin you show, the better looking men you will attract. After all... that is the real goal here, right?

The Bible Says: Have self-control. Be modest. Your body is a beautiful gift from God. It is a gift that you will someday give to your husband. Only him. Respect him by respecting yourself. Dress in clothes that are proper for a woman who loves God with everything in her. (1 Tim. 2:9-10)

Pinterest Says: Beautiful women are everywhere. You've got to improve yourself if you want to keep up.

The Bible Says: "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." (Proverbs 31:10) A woman who loves the Lord and serves her husband the way she should are rare. You are a jewel.

This "Pinterest culture" is hurting more than just our relationships and our marriages. It is hurting our relationships with God.

We are living in a generation of people (including myself) who often have an "enough is never enough" complex. We have high expectations for material items and romantic partners, but low standards for Godly relationships and spiritual encounters. As Christian women, we love to have men who take our hands and pray with us- but we'd much rather them text the words "I'm praying for you", so we can screenshot it and share it with the world along with a caption about our "amazing man of God". 

Ouch.

My intention with this post isn't to criticize the young women in the church. Please understand that! To be honest, I'm 100% preaching to myself right now. My hope is that this post will serve to encourage all of us to examine our own hearts. I pray that we will all find a few moments today to take a look at where our standard of living comes from. What unrealistic expectations are we knowingly or unknowingly placing on the men in our lives? In what ways are we setting ourselves up for failure? How much more time do we spend looking at wedding dresses than praying for our future husbands?

If we fail to sacrifice our materialism and petty desires, we leave very little room for God to encounter us and truly be the king of our lives. And so, finally, we must make a decision: Are we okay with this half-hearted, half-satisfied, half-happy way of life.... or are we willing to lay down our worldly desires for a chance to live the life that the God of the universe has given to us?

What Girls Really Need to Hear From Their Boyfriends

Today, I'm feeling particularly disturbed by a few blog posts that are being shared on social media. More specifically, I'm bothered by the popular article titled "16 Things Girls Should Hear More Often From Their Boyfriends". In the secular world, this post probably makes sense. However, I am extremely disappointed in the number of Christian women who have been attaching this link to their Facebook pages. Let me explain my heart...

First of all, the post itself is forwarded by an irrelevant, risque picture of two college-aged girls. Between the two of them you can see fishnets, miniskirts, a Hooters tank-top, knee-high boots, cleavage, and lots of leg. Although it should be obvious why this makes me angry, I guess I will clarify... I love my brothers. Not only my biological ones, but also my brothers in Christ. My friends. My classmates. My fiance. Any Christian man who is actively trying to live a life pleasing to God will tell you just how damaging it is for their purity and their heart to see images like that. Please, please... everyone... stop posting pictures that can be damaging to my brothers.

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28

Once you get past that unnecessary picture and start to read the "16 Things Boyfriends Should Be Saying To Their Girlfriends", things don't get much better. Here's one of my favorite quotes from the ever-so-charming writer: 

"I've totally got the hots for you. As in: Seriously, can we get these clothes off already? I'm dying here. We should really find our way to the nearest bedroom. Or kitchen. Or rooftop."

Charming, right? Honestly, ladies. This is what you're dying for you boyfriends to say to you? Come on. No reason to fear, friends. The classless, anti-romantic comments don't stop there!  Oh, no. They continue throughout all 16 items on the list.

"I just need to hold you. I may not always feel like having sex. I may not always feel like kissing. But I just need to be kinda near you."

 Keep in mind, Christian-sisters-who-keep-sharing-this-post, the title says boyfriend and girlfriend. So the fact that he "may not always feel like having sex" should bother you. This isn't your husband you're begging to say these sexual things to you- this is a boyfriend. A man who should love Christ (and you) enough to want to wait until marriage to have sex. A man who should be dying to only have sex with one woman for the rest of his life. That isn't the case with your man? Leave him. Plain. And. Simple.

The post goes on to name countless trivial, insincere things- none of which are very biblical or desirable. Therefore, I have constructed a much smaller, much better (#bias), list of things that boyfriends should say to their girlfriends:

1) I'm praying for you. I'm praying for our relationship. I'm praying that God uses us to bring glory to His name. I'm praying that God will use our relationship to be a light and a Godly example to other young couples. I'm praying that His will is always done in our actions.

2) I don't want to have sex with you. Yes, you heard that right: I do not want to have sex with you. I love you and respect you. I would never want you to give me something that only belongs to your future husband. i would never take that from you, or him, or my future wife. Unless God leads us into marriage someday, I will never touch your body beyond what we both agree is appropriate.

3) I want you to cover your body with modest clothing. You are so beautiful- inside and out. I never want you to feel like you need to show your body in order to prove that to anyone. One of the most beautiful things you do is dress in a way that is pleasing to God, and respectful of your Christian brothers.

4) God loves you more than I ever will. I'm so crazy about you. You are such a special part of my life. But even at my best, I could never come close to loving you more than our Heavenly Father does.

5) I love God more than I will ever love you. As much as I adore you, as much as I enjoy being around you... you will never be "my everything". God has my heart. And although I will forever love Him more than anyone in this world, you must remember that He is the reason that I am able to love you so much. I know how to love you because he has shown me what it means to truly love. 

I'm sure there are many more things that could be added to this list, but that really isn't my point here. My point is this: Christian men (at least the ones that I know) don't want to be held to a low standard. They want a challenge. They want women to step up and say things like, "Hey. Telling me that I'm hott won't cut it." Or, "I need you to be the spiritual leader in this relationship. Step up! Be the man that God is calling you to be here!" I'm not telling you to expect perfection... I'm not even telling you to have incredibly high expectations... But I am telling you to have biblical expectations. Expect your Christian man to behave like a Christian man. I'm telling ya, sister- your man will thrive when you stop setting the bar so low and start setting it where God has instructed.