Today, I'm feeling particularly disturbed by a few blog posts that are being shared on social media. More specifically, I'm bothered by the popular article titled "16 Things Girls Should Hear More Often From Their Boyfriends". In the secular world, this post probably makes sense. However, I am extremely disappointed in the number of Christian women who have been attaching this link to their Facebook pages. Let me explain my heart...
First of all, the post itself is forwarded by an irrelevant, risque picture of two college-aged girls. Between the two of them you can see fishnets, miniskirts, a Hooters tank-top, knee-high boots, cleavage, and lots of leg. Although it should be obvious why this makes me angry, I guess I will clarify... I love my brothers. Not only my biological ones, but also my brothers in Christ. My friends. My classmates. My fiance. Any Christian man who is actively trying to live a life pleasing to God will tell you just how damaging it is for their purity and their heart to see images like that. Please, please... everyone... stop posting pictures that can be damaging to my brothers.
"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28
Once you get past that unnecessary picture and start to read the "16 Things Boyfriends Should Be Saying To Their Girlfriends", things don't get much better. Here's one of my favorite quotes from the ever-so-charming writer:
"I've totally got the hots for you. As in: Seriously, can we get these clothes off already? I'm dying here. We should really find our way to the nearest bedroom. Or kitchen. Or rooftop."Charming, right? Honestly, ladies. This is what you're dying for you boyfriends to say to you? Come on. No reason to fear, friends. The classless, anti-romantic comments don't stop there! Oh, no. They continue throughout all 16 items on the list.
"I just need to hold you. I may not always feel like having sex. I may not always feel like kissing. But I just need to be kinda near you."Keep in mind, Christian-sisters-who-keep-sharing-this-post, the title says boyfriend and girlfriend. So the fact that he "may not always feel like having sex" should bother you. This isn't your husband you're begging to say these sexual things to you- this is a boyfriend. A man who should love Christ (and you) enough to want to wait until marriage to have sex. A man who should be dying to only have sex with one woman for the rest of his life. That isn't the case with your man? Leave him. Plain. And. Simple.
The post goes on to name countless trivial, insincere things- none of which are very biblical or desirable. Therefore, I have constructed a much smaller, much better (#bias), list of things that boyfriends should say to their girlfriends:
1) I'm praying for you. I'm praying for our relationship. I'm praying that God uses us to bring glory to His name. I'm praying that God will use our relationship to be a light and a Godly example to other young couples. I'm praying that His will is always done in our actions.
2) I don't want to have sex with you. Yes, you heard that right: I do not want to have sex with you. I love you and respect you. I would never want you to give me something that only belongs to your future husband. i would never take that from you, or him, or my future wife. Unless God leads us into marriage someday, I will never touch your body beyond what we both agree is appropriate.
3) I want you to cover your body with modest clothing. You are so beautiful- inside and out. I never want you to feel like you need to show your body in order to prove that to anyone. One of the most beautiful things you do is dress in a way that is pleasing to God, and respectful of your Christian brothers.
4) God loves you more than I ever will. I'm so crazy about you. You are such a special part of my life. But even at my best, I could never come close to loving you more than our Heavenly Father does.
5) I love God more than I will ever love you. As much as I adore you, as much as I enjoy being around you... you will never be "my everything". God has my heart. And although I will forever love Him more than anyone in this world, you must remember that He is the reason that I am able to love you so much. I know how to love you because he has shown me what it means to truly love.
I'm sure there are many more things that could be added to this list, but that really isn't my point here. My point is this: Christian men (at least the ones that I know) don't want to be held to a low standard. They want a challenge. They want women to step up and say things like, "Hey. Telling me that I'm hott won't cut it." Or, "I need you to be the spiritual leader in this relationship. Step up! Be the man that God is calling you to be here!" I'm not telling you to expect perfection... I'm not even telling you to have incredibly high expectations... But I am telling you to have biblical expectations. Expect your Christian man to behave like a Christian man. I'm telling ya, sister- your man will thrive when you stop setting the bar so low and start setting it where God has instructed.
